


031. Sunrise - Dawn of a New Day

by Arok88



Series: The 100 [4]
Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:02:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28765254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arok88/pseuds/Arok88
Summary: Direct sequel to Sunset Panic
Relationships: Nick Carter/Kevin Richardson
Series: The 100 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092305
Kudos: 5
Collections: the 100





	031. Sunrise - Dawn of a New Day

"Where's Nick?" Kevin asked as he walked into Howie and AJ's hotel room. 

Howie glanced up, shrugged and went back to packing his backpack. The tour was over, Kevin's announcement was made. Now it was time to pack it in and retreat to their individual homes and lives to lick their wounds. Kevin stood rooted for a moment, watching Howie's careful, smooth movements. Howie didn't even bother to look back up at him. Kevin sighed, he knew this would be difficult, but he at least expected a little more from the older man. Turning on his heel he walked through the hotel room to the living room area where AJ was lounging on the couch. 

"Have you seen Nick?" Kevin tried again. 

AJ didn't even acknowledge his presence, just continued to flip channels on the hotel television. Kevin stood in the doorway watching him. What in the world was going on? They had all seemed to take the news of his departure relatively well considering, but now they were acting like he was the enemy. 

"AJ," Kevin tried again, his voice a little louder this time. 

"What?" AJ said, finally turning to look at him, venom lacing his words. 

"I asked you if you've seen Nick." 

"He's gone." AJ sneered at him, anger evident on his face. 

Kevin's brows furrowed. Gone? How could he be gone? They weren't all scheduled to fly home until that evening. 

"When did he leave?" Kevin asked, his stomach lurching at the thought of Nick leaving without even saying goodbye. 

AJ shrugged, picking up the throw pillows and rearranging them back on the couch. Next he grabbed a handful of throw blankets and began absent-mindedly folding them. "Late last night sometime. He woke me up and told me he was out of here." 

Kevin shook his head, his confusion evident. "Why would he do that? Why would he just leave without saying goodbye?" 

AJ stopped what he was doing and just stared at Kevin. He didn't break his gaze for several moments, just continued to stare at the older man. "You really are a dumb son of a bitch aren't you." AJ shook his head and crossed his arms, a defiant stance he had perfected so many years ago. 

Kevin blinked a couple of times, his jaw slack and his eyes wet. What in the world was going on? He'd known his decision to call it done, to leave the group would affect them all differently. What he hadn't expected was the youngest member to just dip out and leave town without so much as a goodbye or a fuck you. 

The decision to leave, to take a break from the non stop touring and insanity has been in large part to save himself from the downward spiral he had found himself on. Nothing made him happy anymore. He was depressed and exhausted and being around the blonde day in and day out, having to hide the way he truly felt about the other man had started to take its toll. He'd wrestled with the idea for a better part of a year. When he realized his stress and apprehension was bleeding into his professional life, into his performance and affecting how he interacted with the fans, he knew it was time to step away. Maybe with time, some distance away from the other man and some time to be on his own would allow him the ability to be in the same room without wanting to burst into tears or rip his clothes off. He could only hope. This wasn't a goodbye forever, just for now. 

Everything has been so emotional and draining the night before that he hadn't got to spend any one on one time with any of them. That's what he had planned on doing today. He thought he would take an hour or so with each of them alone before they all went their separate ways to tell them how much each of them meant to him and how he would always value their friendship. He hoped they would stay in touch, would still be brothers, even if it had taken some time to get back to that place again. He had no idea that by waiting a day, giving himself the time to pull his thoughts together would mean he missed out on his chance to talk to the blonde entirely. He had so much he wanted to say to him, so much he was afraid of and didn't even know if he would ever be able to say, but still he wanted to try. And now that opportunity had been completely taken away from him. 

He cleared his throat before he tried again. "What?" 

"I said, you are a dumb, son of a bitch." AJ said again, speaking the words even slower since Kevin was having such a hard time understanding them. 

Kevin stared at him for a moment longer before turning on his heel and going back the way he came. If AJ was going to be an ass, perhaps Brian would be more inclined to give him a heads up on what was going on. After all, wouldn't Nick's best friend have a better idea of where he had retreated too? He glanced at Howie as he left the suite, the older man had obviously finished packing and was sitting with his arms crossed on the bed, his own look of distaste thrown in Kevin's direction. 

Once out in the hallway, Kevin took several deep breaths. What he had assumed would be a painless interlude in Howie and AJ's room had been anything but and learning that Nick was no longer one their floor, or even in the hotel at all was almost more than he could take at the moment. He could feel the tears already welling up and pricking him in the back of the eyes. He couldn't believe the younger man was really gone. 

Kevin made his way down the hallway quickly, finding himself in front of his cousin's door. He softly knocked twice before he lost his nerve. It didn't take Brian but a second to swing open the door. Giving Kevin the first genuine smile he'd seen in days, Kevin smiled back and stepped inside. Kevin felt the warmth spread through him that only family could provide. At least in here he would get the benefit of compassion that he hadn’t achieved with the others. 

"Did you know Nick's already left?" Kevin asked softly, not meeting Brian's eyes. 

He nodded gently. "Yeah, he left about three this morning." 

Kevin felt his eyes begin to fill again and dropped loudly on the hotel couch. He dropped his head in his hands and tried like hell to keep the tears from falling. Brian watched him for a moment for settling in beside him and laying a hand gently on his shoulder. Kevin didn't bother to look up, while he welcomed the touch, hearing Brian's confirmation only added another band around his carefully constructive heart. 

"Why?" he asked so quietly Brian almost missed it. 

"Why what Kev?" Brian asked his older cousin softly. 

"Why did he leave without saying goodbye?"

Brian didn’t answer right away. Instead he began to run his hand up and down Kevin’s back as he pitched forward on the couch. Finally he spoke, “Do you really not know the answer to that question?”

Kevin lifted his head to gaze at his cousin. “Why is everyone acting like this when I ask about him? No, I don’t understand. I mean shit Brian, I thought me leaving would at least mean something to him. But it feels like he just doesn’t give a shit. Couldn’t even be bothered to stick around long enough to say goodbye before he bailed for his vacation.” Kevin managed to get out before the tears were back in his eyes. 

Brian pulled away from him, removing his hand from Kevin’s back and an angry expression crossing his chiseled features. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Kevin’s head shot up, glancing at Brian quickly. Brian never cursed, and if he did, it was never anything worse than damn or shit. Kevin blinked a couple of times trying to wrap his head around the sudden change in his younger cousin. “What? What am I missing here? Everyone is getting shitty with me and while I can understand I dropped a mess in your lap, I can’t help feeling like that’s not why you are all getting pissed at me.”

Brian chuckled, a mean dark chuckle as he stared intensely into Kevin’s eyes. “You leaving meant everything to him, you dipshit. YOU mean everything to him. He couldn’t bear to face you again after he felt his heart break in half by hearing the man he’s been in love with for the better part of the last ten years is leaving us. He’s heartbroken and hurting. He needed to get away from everyone, from you, so that he can try to come to terms with this in his own way. So don’t you dare sit there and say things like that about him. He’s doing the best he can to keep himself held together.” Brian finished and crossed his arms over his chest, watching Kevin’s reaction intently. 

Kevin stared at Brian, unable to process everything he’d just said. There was no way that he’d said Nick was in love with him. It had to be some kind of mistake. Maybe he’d forgotten to clean his ears out this morning and the buildup was causing the words he heard to be muddled, mixed up and making him hear things. The more he looked at the younger man however, his angry demeanor, his impenetrable stare, the more Kevin was starting to think that maybe he wasn’t kidding and he hadn’t misheard him. He opened his mouth to speak a couple of times but nothing came out. Clamping his mouth shut he jumped from the couch and began pacing the length of the hotel room. Could this really be true? Could the one thing he’d always wanted be somehow within his grasp? After all this time, why was he just finding out this information now? Why hadn’t Nick ever said anything? Why hadn’t anyone else? From the cold reception in Howie & AJ’s room, Kevin could only imagine that they both knew how Nick felt as well and somehow they were blaming Nick’s absence on him. How could he not have known? 

Kevin ran his shaky hand through his hair, pulling a bit at the stands to help him focus as his mind played through dozens of images and conversations, trying desperately to locate some semblance of the feelings that Brian was telling him were there. He stopped and turned to the younger man, perching on the arm of the couch. 

“How long have you known?”

“How long have I known that he loves you or that you love him?” Brian countered. 

Kevin stared back at him dumbfounded. “What?” 

Brian rolled his eyes and threw up his hands. “Are we really going to play this game Kevin? How old are you? Grow up. The way you feel about him has been written all over your face for years for anyone willing to see it. I’ve probably known longer than you have. As for Nicky, I’ve known for several years. He was barely 17 the first time he told me.”

“How could I not know? Does everyone know? I feel like I’ve walked into the Twilight Zone.” Kevin managed to get out.

Brian nodded as he took a seat on the couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table as he settled back into the cushions. “Yeah, I mean everyone knows how Nick feels. He’s told us all at one time or another, when his feelings got too intense for him to manage on his own. You know how he can get. His anxiety gets too high and the panic attacks start. Sometimes he needs to talk about it to keep the demons at bay. If it’s any consolation, I don’t think he ever intended to tell you.”

“How in the world is that a consultation? How could none of you tell me this? All this time, we’ve both been feeling the same thing and we could have done something, given this a chance and instead we’ve both just been miserable.” Kevin said sinking down into the couch beside the other man. 

Brian shook his head. “It wasn’t our place to say anything. This is something the two of you had to figure out on your own. I only told you now because I won’t let you go around thinking he did something childish or just to be a brat. He did this as the only way he could see to save himself.”

“Where did he go? Did he go home?” Kevin asked, his eyes finally meeting Brians. 

Brian once again remained silent. Debating internally with himself on how much information to give the older man. It seemed to be a harder decision than he had originally thought. Kevin eyed him curiously. “You know but you don’t want to tell me.” Kevin stated matter of factly. 

Brian blushed, just enough for Kevin to know he’d guessed correctly. “I don’t want him to hurt any worse than he is right now.” Brian answered softly. 

“Brian, if what you are telling me is true, if he really cares for me the same way, then there’s no reason for him to hurt ever again. Tell me, please, tell me where to find him.” Kevin pleaded. 

Brian took a deep breath and sighed. “He’s in Mexico.”

\--

Kevin’s knees bounced nervously as he drove the short distance to the resort from the airport. His heart had done nothing but pound since the moment he’d boarded the plane. The whole entire flight his mind had danced a million miles an hour reliving each and every moment he’d ever shared with Nick that had affirmed his love for the younger man. He went over his words over and over trying to come up with the perfect thing to say to make Nick understand just how much he loved him and needed him without sounding desperate and stalkerish.

No matter what he chose to say, he hoped he could get through it without letting his emotions take over. The moment he’d realized that Nick had left without saying anything, he had felt like someone had pulled the ground out from under him. Thinking Nick didn't care enough about him to stick around had hurt worse than anything he’d ever felt before. But now, knowing what he knew, he only hoped he could put the right words together to make Nick understand how much he was wanted, needed and loved. 

Nick had a few days start on him. By the time he’d managed to get a flight scheduled and his plans changed two days had passed. He could only imagine the pain and suffering Nick had endured in those few days and he was determined to do everything in his power to make it all disappear, if Nick would let him. 

He alternated between being so excited about the prospect of them finally being together and the terrifying thought that he was too late and Nick would want nothing to do with him. He had no idea how he would handle the latter. If he had gotten this close and still let the blonde slip through his fingers, he would never forgive himself. He tried desperately not to think about that. He had to remain optimistic and believe that it was finally time for them, after all, they’d waited so long. 

The closer he got to where Nick was staying the more a horrible sinking feeling started to settle in the pit of his stomach. What if this was some kind of horrible prank they had cooked up to get back at him for deciding to leave the group? What if he got there and Nick wasn't even there, or worse yet, what if he was there with someone else. Different scenarios rant through his mind, each one worse than the next. Nick laughing, Nick making love with someone else while Kevin stood, powerless to move. Brian wouldn't do that to him right? 

He was scared and embarrassed and was starting to drive himself crazy with all of his worries and doubts. Wasn't Nick worth a little embarrassment? Maybe if this was a joke he could think of a way to make it even funnier, pretend he was in on it. There were a million ideas he could comb through if this turned out to be a joke and if it wasn't…well there were still a hundred ideas he had for that option too. He felt his groin tighten with anticipation. Oh how he hoped this wasn't some kind of sick joke. 

It was late. By the time he’d retrieved his bag and rented a car it was well after four in the morning. He had taken the very first flight he could get and ignored the fact that he would end up at Nick’s hotel in the middle of the night. He hoped it was an offense Nick would easily forgive one they had a chance to talk. He reached the resort in less than a half hour. All Brian would provide him was the name of the resort and the name Nick had used to check in. Kevin wasn't worried about how to get access to his room. He'd already called the resort and given all of Nick's information, claiming to be him and asking them to remind him what room number he was in. Once he had that in hand it would be easier to reach the floor and door. Chances were Nick had at least brought his bodyguard, who always held on to the extra key and wouldn't hesitate to let Kevin into the room. 

Once inside the hotel he quickly made his way to the eighth floor. Stepping off the elevator he was relieved to see Tony, Nick's guard standing in the hallway. He looked up and smiled as he saw Kevin draw closer. 

"I didn't expect to see you here." He said folding his arms across his wide chest. 

Kevin smiled. "Last minute change of plans. Is Nick in his room?"

Tony shook his head. "No, he wanted to go to the gym and insisted he go alone. It's really secure in here and no one has recognized him yet. I agreed to stay and keep watch on the floor. He's supposed to call me when he's ready to come back up." He fished the key card out of his jacket pocket. "I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. He's been a mess since we got here." 

The smile vanished from Kevin's face. "What do you mean?" 

Tony shrugged. "The panic attacks are back. He's been doing moderately well maintaining them himself but I've heard him shrieking and crying a couple of times when he can't get them to ease. He always does better whenever you're around." Tony slapped him on the back and smiled. 

Kevin gave him a small smile as well and made his way to Nick's room. Letting himself in, he leaned back against the closing door and sighed. Either this wasn't a joke, or those bastards had somehow got Tony to agree to be involved. He just wasn't sure yet which one it would turn out to be. He glanced at his watch. It was almost five. Had Nick been up all night? He felt his stomach do a somersault at the thought. He was exhausted and all he longed to do was curl up tightly with the other man. He could go down to the gym to try to talk to him, but if he was having a bad night, Kevin doubted that would be a very good idea. He placed his bag inside the entryway by the door and stripped off his jacket. Folding it and laying it across the chair by the door he kicked off his shoes and padded further into the hotel room. The room was a mess. Clothes strewn all over the room and the smell of Nick was almost too strong for Kevin to handle. Glancing at the bed he realized it was completely made up. Nick never made the bed so that could only mean that he’d not been in the bed since housekeeping had come. But when was that? How long had Nick been going without sleep? “Oh Nicky,” Kevin whispered to himself, the tears returning to his eyes. He sat at the end of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. 

He sat there for several moments before his back became stiff and he needed to move. He shifted back on the bed and spread out across the length. He tucked his arms behind his head and decided to close his eyes for a few moments to regroup. Before he knew what had hit him, he’d fallen into a fitful sleep.

\--

A view just before sunrise  
Is a view of hopes  
Excited in full of vibes  
With its vibrant colours

\---Viji Vishwanath

\--

Kevin awoke with a jerk, feeling a hand shaking his arm violently. He sat up quickly, blinking several times to orient himself to his surroundings. As he turned his head, his eyes focused in on the confused blue orbs of the man he loved so much. He felt his features soften as he gazed at the younger man. His eyes were red rimmed with black circles. His face was splotchy and he looked utterly exhausted. Nothing was better however, than the very confused look that was adorning his beautiful face. 

“What are you doing here Kev?” he whispered. 

Kevin smiled softly, staring at the younger man in the quietness of the hotel room. “You left without saying anything. I went to your room and you were just gone.”

Nick dropped his head, breaking their eye contact as he visibly shrank away from Kevin. “So you came all this way? Here? How did you even know where to find me?”

Kevin reached out and cupped Nick’s cheek, forcing him to raise his head and meet his eyes. “I can be pretty persuasive when I want something. I kept pushing Brian until he told me where to find you.”

Nick blushed and looked away. “I can’t believe he told you. He swore he wouldn’t tell anyone.”

Kevin was quiet for a moment. “That’s not all he told me Nick.”

Nick glanced back at him, one eyebrow raised and his face heated.”What else did he tell you?” The apprehension was clear in his voice. 

Kevin took a deep breath and released his hold on Nick’s cheek, opting instead to take one of his hands in his. Nick glanced down, watching Kevin take his hand and thread their fingers together but making no move to pull away. Kevin focused on the face he loved so much. It was now or never. He smiled gently. 

“He told me you were in love with me.”

Nick stilled. Kevin could visibly see Nick’s body stiffen and the younger man tried to remove his hand from Kevin’s grasp, trying to move away. Kevin wasn’t having it. He increased the pressure on their hands and with his other hand he caught Nick by his upper arm, pulling him in closer. “No you don’t.” Kevin said softly. 

‘Kevin, let me go.” Nick demanded, his voice faltering. 

“No. I don’t intend to ever let you go.” Kevin said forcefully. 

Nick’s head shot up, his blue eyes searching Kevin’s face for the words he longed to hear. Kevin smiled and nodded. “I love you too, Nicky. So much, for so long. Now that I know you feel the same way, you’re not going anywhere.”

Kevin’s smile only increased as he watched Nick digest and comprehend the words he’d spoken. The younger man stopped struggling to get away. Instead he tilted his head to the side as he gazed up at the other man. “Do you really?” the sound so soft, but loud enough to set Kevin’s body afire. 

“Yes, baby. I love you so much.”

Nick’s smile could split his face in two. It spread from one side of his beautiful face to the other before he threw his arms around Kevin, burying his face in his neck. Kevin wasted no time pulling the younger man as close as he could, holding him tightly against him. 

“I love you too. For so long Kevin you have no idea how much or how hard it’s been feeling like there would never be a chance for us, that you would never love me.” Nick admitted, small tears leaking out of the corner of his eyes. 

Kevin reached up and wiped them all away. “Of course I do baby. I was feeling all of those things too. Why do you think I made the decision to leave? I couldn’t bear more torure of wanting, needing you and never getting it. It was killing me, baby.”

Nick squeezed him tighter, loving the feel of Kevin’s strong chest and arms against his own. “Does this mean you’ll stay?” 

Kevin wasn’t prepared for that question. “Possibly. Give me some time to think about it. We’ve got an extended break. I’d really like to see where this goes, this thing between you and I and then we can worry about the group and the world.”

Nick gave him a small smile. “I want that too. I just got excited for a moment thinking that there was a possibility things wouldn’t have to change. I don’t know how we can go on without you.” he answered honestly. 

Kevin pulled him as close as he could and wrapped his arms tight and low around him. Dropping a kiss against his forehead he answered. “No matter what I ultimately decide to do, you will never be without me. If you’ll have me, I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I need you, how much I want you in my life. I want to be beside you in everything.”

Nick looked up at him, his blue eyes shining in the dawn of the new day. The hotel room had a wall made almost exclusively of windows and as the morning sun began to rise the brilliant hues of pink and purple began to dance around the room and upon the face he loved so much. It was breathtaking. Kevin leaned down and captured Nick’s mouth with his own in their first heart stoppingly beautiful first kiss.He made love to Nick’s mouth for several minutes until they were both dying for air. Pulling away he laid his forehead against Nick’s and smiled down at him. “I love you,” he said as he dropped a kiss on Nick’s nose. He pulled Nick around, guiding him between his legs so Nick’s back could rest against Kevin’s chest. He bought his arms down around the younger man again and pulled him close. He heard the contented sigh escape the blonde and felt the heat rush through him. He was happy, finally truly happy. He held his love close, determined never to let him go again. Nick placed his hands on top of Kevin’s where they lay across his stomach and smiled. Together they gazed out the windowed wall, watching the sun rise and bringing with it the dawn of a brand new day, a brand new life together.


End file.
